99 Funny Questions – If you’ve ever struggled through a mind-numbingly boring dinner table discussion with your family and wondered, “Can’t I just, like, hand them a pamphlet that answers all of their stupid questions?” you’re certainly not alone.
Although it’s not always feasible to hand them a question-halting memo, you can always give them a little something to grease the wheels a bit instead. With this list of 99 questions in hand, instead of asking if you’ve “found a husband yet” or when you’ll “finally” be a doctor, your extended family will at least be able to ask you some halfway stimulating questions.
We’ve also gone through the trouble to cobble together questions for every imaginable family get-together. We’ve got beginning-of-the-year questions for those odd and extremely awkward pre-holiday family encounters. There is middle-of-the-year questions for those reliably painful Thanksgiving break dinners. And we’ve got end-of-the-year questions for those “super exciting” New Year’s family parties.
Go ahead, feel free to print this one out and pass it around the dinner table next holiday season. Your mental sanity definitely won’t regret it!
Funny Questions to Ask Students at the Beginning of the Year
- .. let’s be real here… you have no idea what your high school teachers were talking about when they promised you that “your professors won’t let you get away with [insert generic slacktivity here]” do you?
- It feels damn good to stroll into that massive lecture hall half-awake, half-clothed, and damn-near fully invisible, doesn’t it?
- Is there anything better than turning the corner, squinting down the hall for your classroom, and seeing a closed classroom door with a sheet of paper posted on it?
- Is there anything better than waking up late and compulsively checking your email only to see that class has been canceled?
- Do uh… do your professors ever uh… actually profess anything?
- Who the hell is that scraggly guy with gray hair in the back of lecture hall with the shades on and sleeping bag next to him? Does he live here? Is he the professor of the class after yours? Maybe both?
- Is this just a giant, extended-stay convention of young, sexy people, or do people actually study and… like do things here?
- Are frat dudes and sorority girls even actually required to go to class?
- Why are your classes either literally right below your dorm room or like a bus-ride, a 10-minute walk and a wild goose chase away? Can’t there be an in between?!
- Why is every one of your professors either a freaking model or indistinguishable from a homeless Hindu mystic?
- Why in the hell did you opt for 8AM’s?!
- Is this campus actually a school, or is it secretly just a nature reserve for wild squirrels?
- Is the rumor you heard true? Is your friend Daniel’s buddy Brett actually a sixth-year Senior? If so, how do you aspire to that?
- Is it really true that most people meet their husband/wife in college…? That means in 4 years you’re gonna be… married?
- Didn’t your professor just tell everybody to “stay smart” and “stay safe” this weekend? But who was that old-looking, super wasted dude doing a horrible Taylor Swift impression at the bars this weekend? Wasn’t that him?
- Why does everybody have a therapy animal, and how can you forge some documents and get one for yourself?
- Is your dining plan actually “unlimited?” Like, could you go bring a Santa-sized sack and just ransack everything?
- This sounds kinda cruel, but are these people really your friends or are these just the slim pickings from the orientation that have carried over into the school year?
- (For introverts) Do you ever even have to leave the 500-foot radius between your dorm room and the food hall?
- (For extroverts) Do you ever even have to stay in your dorm at all?
- Will the campus still be this darn gorgeous come wintertime? Will there still be squirrels galore?
- Why didn’t you bring your dog with you? He probably would love this as much as you are, wouldn’t he?
- All this talk about the “freshmen 15,” but you’re not gonna play it that way are you? There’s way too much to see and do for that!
- Is the bell tower really haunted like you heard your RA mention? Is that some adventure that you should be getting in on ASAP?
- The quad is so pristine looking, that it might actually not be a bad backup place to sleep in case your roommate is a chronic snorer…?
- Holy crap… they have a straight-up restaurant in the engineering building lobby?
- Why is everything so awesome right now, and how long before the crash comes?!
- You truly get a fresh start here, don’t you? Nobody here even knows or remembers when you got your pants pulled down in middle school gym class, do they?
Funny Questions to Ask Kids in the Middle of the Year
- How does one actually become a “good student” in such a world of infinite freedom, fun, and distractions?
- Do you really even want to be here anymore? How much debt is this gonna run you again?
- Is it just you, or has everybody gotten a little… uh… less hot? Or maybe you’re just so tired and stressed that you can barely see straight?
- Remember when your biology professor’s dad jokes used to actually be kind of funny?
- Remember when your philosophy professor’s stutter used to not annoy the living hell out of you and make you want to stab yourself (and him too!) with a rusty fork?
- Remember when your chemistry professor used to comb his hair, use deodorant and at least make an effort to look halfway presentable?
- Remember when your economics professor used to show up on time, wearing heels and a skirt, and now she slinks in 30 minutes late with a baggy T-shirt and jeans?
- (For philosophy students) If you saw your philosophy professor strapped on one set of train tracks and five of your best friends strapped on the other set of tracks, is there anything that could possibly make this an easier ethical choice for you to make?
- (For engineering students) Wouldn’t it be cool if your engineering professor could design a contraption with enough strength to keep their huge trap shut?
- (For chemistry students) Wouldn’t it be something if you could find a beaker large enough to contain your chemistry professor’s massive ego?
- (For medical students) If your med professor yabbers one more time about how lazy and disrespectful everybody is, wouldn’t it be a solid idea to just perform a self-lobotomy right in front of him to show off your dedication?
- (For business students) How do you get in the business of getting your business professor to shut the hell up? This idea might actually have some real potential here…?
- Remember when you had such high hopes of skating by with a C+?
- Remember when you were actually motivated?
- Wasn’t there way less pressure before you actually had a grade entered online? Remember how that felt?
- Why couldn’t you have just been born a super genius savant? You could’ve just gotten all of this college stuff out of the way at age 8, right?
- Remember when your business professor actually seemed enthusiastic and, oddly enough, kind of attractive? Do you remember when they started getting bags under their eyes and packing on the pounds? That was right before fall break right?
- Remember when you could actually procrastinate and not feel a deep, existential sense of dread and impending doom? What a luxury, eh?
- Remember when you and that guy you sit next to in class were just strangers? Remember last week when you cried in his lap, realizing that you need a literal act of God to get a passing grade?
- Remember when you actually at least pretended to pay attention in class?
- Remember when skipping class actually made you feel a little guilty?
- Remember when you didn’t even have to BS and saying “Oh, it’s going great!” felt natural when your parents called?
- Remember the time when you weren’t having an existential crisis about your major?
- Remember when you weren’t seriously considering packing it in and becoming a social media influencer instead?
- Remember when it was kinda cool to brag about how broke you are and how now it’s just sad?
- Remember when majoring in [insert wicked hard major here] sounded super fun and easy?
- Remember when you were planning on getting a Master’s degree after this? Ha!
- Is it too late to change your identity and re-enroll somewhere new?
- Remember when you were certain you and that cute boy/girl in biology class were actually gonna talk to each other? Ha!
- Didn’t you promise your parents that you were going to get all A’s since they footed the bill for… uh… everything? That’s not gonna be pretty, is it?
- Remember the time when you actually got up an hour before class and got something to eat instead of hitting snooze 8 times and sprint-walking to class?
- Remember when you and your friends swore to each other to stop going out on Thursday nights?
- Remember when you swore that the “freshmen 15” would never apply to you?
- Remember when you actually used your planner and your file cabinet… and your desk?
- Remember when your 2-hour, twice-a-week class didn’t seem like that big of a deal?
- Remember when your friend promised you that taking 18 credits with them would be “super easy” and “fun?”
- Remember the other day at the store when you were in the vitamin section, and you saw a few “brain drugs?” Maybe it’s time to start stacking those?
- Remember when campus seemed all new and exciting, and now it’s just another place you walk through on the way to class?
- Is it too late to give up on this whole college thing and be a “stay-at-home” son or daughter?
- Or maybe you can just go back to high school? Fake your identity and re-enroll somewhere new?
- .. your dad didn’t even go to college did he? Maybe you should just follow in his footsteps and consider this whole thing a rookie’s mistake?
Silly Questions to Ask Students at the End of the Year
- Remember when you were delusional enough to think that you could bring your grade up from a D to a B all in the last 2 months of the semester?
- Why did that semester feel like 4 years instead of 4 months?
- Should you just fake your death and run away while you still have the chance? Are we really gonna let mom and dad see those first-semester grades?
- Your friend has some pretty cool parents… maybe you should just ask to move in with them?
- But hey… remember your friend Daniel’s buddy Brett and how he’s supposedly a sixth-year Senior? Maybe this will put you on track for that? That would be kinda cool, wouldn’t it?
- .. there’s the Dean’s List and the President’s List, but… uh… is there a participation trophy like there was in youth league soccer?
- Maybe you should just go buy a few dozen lottery tickets? That might be a solid backup strategy?
- Wouldn’t it be cool if you had a smarter, harder-studying twin you could impersonate?
- Maybe you could just find a wealthy boy/girl and just be a stay-at-home mom/dad?
- Wasn’t there a nice trade school near your hometown? Welding isn’t such a bad idea, is it?
- Do you think that you will just write “do my homework online” and find professional help?
- Wasn’t your great-grandpa super wealthy and successful? And did they even have college when he was alive?
- Why did you work so hard in high school? All so you could come to a harder college with, like, way more pressure and stress? Why?
- What was that one thing your friend Sarah was always droning on about? Freelancing? Maybe it’s time to try that?
- Didn’t your buddy Alex make a killing with DogeCoin? Maybe it’s time to find out what that’s all about?
- What was that one app that people make a ton of cash on…? Only…? “Only” something?
- Is it legal to put yourself up for adoption? Maybe you can get picked up by a wealthy family?
- Don’t you wish you were stuck with playing the guitar? This would be a damn good time to drop out and join a band, wouldn’t it?
- But it’s never really too late to learn, is it? Hell… maybe that’s the next step?
- What’s the easiest major offered, and how soon can you change to that?
- Will your parents actually care that much if you don’t become a doctor, or are they just bluffing?
- Can’t $100 basically buy you a mansion in almost any “third world” country? Why don’t you just move to Guatemala and retire?
- In theory… couldn’t you just drop out and stay on your friends’ couches on campus?
- Didn’t Zuckerberg and Jobs drop out? Didn’t they do pretty well?
- What was that thing called where they’re gonna start giving everybody free cash? UBI? Maybe you’ll hold out another semester or two until that unfolds?
- Maybe it’s time to just get a minimum wage job, put your head down, and give up on everything?
- Maybe you’re just funny enough to do standup comedy? Maybe it’s time to drop out and take a crack at that?
- This is definitely a stupid question, but uh… do you still have debt if you flunk out?
- What was that software called for creating fake transcripts again?
- Isn’t the world probably gonna end soon anyway? Does it really even matter if you flunk out?
- Remember that weird-looking place on the edge of campus that offers psychic readings? Maybe it’s time to see what your future has and store and see if college is even in the cards (literally!)
Funny Questions to Ask a Teacher at the End of the Year
Not only students can be interviewed!
- If you could be a student for a day, which subject would you want to learn and why?
- What was your favorite school memory when you were our age?
- If you could magically add one fun activity to our curriculum, what would it be?
- Which school rule would you change if you had the power to do so?
- What is the most interesting book you read this year, and would you recommend it to us?
- If you could have any superpower to help with teaching, what would it be and how would you use it?
- What was your most embarrassing moment as a teacher, and can you share it with us?
- If you could switch places with any fictional character, who would it be and why?
- What’s the funniest or strangest excuse a student has given you for not completing their homework or asking the cheapest essay writing service for help?
- If you were to create a theme song for our class, what genre would it be and what would the lyrics be about?
As the academic year draws to a close, interesting questions to ask students and fun questions for students can provide valuable insights and reflection. Interactive questions spark engagement, offer essay help, and encourage students to evaluate their journey, fostering a sense of accomplishment and growth. Cheers to a year well assessed!